The Orange Man and Me Is Historical Fiction and I Am Not a Soothsayer
I, Lord Hugo Dastardly, take to virtual quill on this day, the 21st of August, because I feel a solemn duty to make one thing absolutely clear: The buxom, beautiful protagonist of my tome The Orange Man and Me is a fictional character of my own design. I remain blissfully unaware of any genuine Super Secret Helper Aide to the President who doted on his every word during the 2017–2021 time period depicted in my book.
The Orange Man and Me, I repeat, is a work of fiction. My leading lady is not based on Natalie Harp, who I’ll admit, I was not aware of until this week.
Now, would my protag also consider her boss and President her “Guardian and Protector”? Yes, no doubt she would. Her education is sufficient, of course, to know that these are common nouns and would not capitalize them, but she would no doubt concur with the sentiment. Furthermore, my protag would not hesitate to inform her President that he is “all that matters to [her]” and that she “never want[s] to bring [him] anything but joy.” Is it wildly inappropriate for an aide to say to their boss? Yes, of course. Is Monica Lewinsky herself probably rolling her eyes and thinking it’s all a little much? No doubt. But that would not stop my primary character from such utterances, just as it did not stop Natalie Harp.
“And so, brilliant satirist Lord Dastardly,” you might say, “perhaps you will admit that this did not come from your fertile imagination! Perhaps you are admitting to glimpsing the future, and bringing your soothsayer talents to bear in your so-called fictional novel!”
Alas, I must throw proverbial cold water over your well-reasoned deductions. I cannot give you the winning lottery numbers or tell you which stock to pour your life savings into. I am merely a roguishly handsome and delightfully devious man and author. There is no godhood here, no oracle who foresees. Alas!
So I am sorry to disappoint, but, to summarize: The Orange Man and Me is purely fictional, aside from all the real events that actually happened. That attempted insurrection, for instance? It really happened! Who would have ever known? But my protagonist is not inspired by Natalie Harp, even if they rather resemble each other. At the same time, I share no characteristics with classic figures like Cassandra and the blind prophet Tiresias. I am but a humble genius novelist. No more. No less.
